Jon’s Worst of 2010

 

Well hello, soap box. I’m gonna get on you.

Just posted my Optimus Prime. Now, I give you Megatron. Here is my list of disappointments and straight up garbage.

GAMESTOP EMPLOYEES

I’m sure they mean well, and I know they just want to do their jobs well and be close to the games they love, but goddammit going to Gamestop is a fucking chore these days. No, I don’t want to join your fucking platinum club with the annual fee, mandatory Game Informer subscription, and “deals” on used games. I don’t buy used games because it is parasitic: it doesn’t support the industry. Paying the extra $10 for a new game is job security for me and others who work in video games. That aside, I just want to go in and out and buy my damn game. The fucking dance you have to do with the person at the register to dodge their onslaught of offers is exhausting.

FALLOUT: NEW VEGAS

To be completely honest this game would not have made my “worst” list if it wasn’t for Fallout 3, and the fact that it was so damn good. I was expecting nothing but liquid win seeing the Fallout franchise return to it’s original development team at Obsidian. Instead we got a weird casino-games, Vegas themed parody of 3’s take on the series, crammed with hard locks, first person arms that float above your head when you’re on an incline, and a million and a half loading screens. We’re fighting the exact same set of monsters, using the exact same set of weapons, yet the overall gameplay just feels under-developed and phoned in. I plan on completing the game’s main story, but gone is the need to explore this world and roll in the minutia like a pig in slop.

SKYLINE

I already donged on this earlier in Nerd Trek’s history, so let me sum up my review in a single word: Shitline.

HARRY POTTER AND THE DEATHLY HALLOWS: PART 1

Confession: I am an adult male and I like Harry Potter. I’ve read all the books and have seen all the movies. When I heard Deathly Hallows was being split into two movies I thought back on the book and my immediate concern became the fact that the first half of that book is all set up, plot development, and is comparatively slow with the rest of the series. What we got was 2 hours of boring trash that takes place in a tent in the woods. And how about that dance scene??

RED DEAD REDEMPTION

I’m the only person in the world who didn’t like this game. Before you curse my first born as you throw your laptop across the room, hear me out. First of all I need to make it clear that I only got about 4 hours into the main story. You’re right that that isn’t nearly enough to accurately judge this game’s merit, and you’re also right that I should probably finish the game before I discredit such an applauded game. Let me tell you about those 4 hours now, and see if you can fault me for calling this game garbage:

My first experience as the baddest ass outlaw in the west was walking around a carrot patch shooting rabbits. As soon as I got a horse I rode off with the expressed intent of causing mayhem. I shot a stranger and then immediately was gunned down by a posse that came out of nowhere. OK, I guess you can’t play the game like Fallout. I return to a field, look everywhere, look again, make sure it’s just me and the one guy I’m gonna gun down, check again, no one is around. I shoot him, and again a posse immediately materializes, is on my ass and I’m dead. Ok crap, guess I have to play as a “good guy”.

So I start playing the main quests and am met with some of the most trite bullshit ever crafted in a video game. I’m following a barking dog at night to scare off chicken thieves. I’m wrangling cattle. I’m lassoing wild horses and playing shitty balancing games so I don’t get bucked off. I’m befriending a snake oil salesman and spinning yarns to the crowd while he sells them placebos. I’m getting bit by snakes that I can’t see and getting completely destroyed by cougars. Cougars! I have guns! Did I mention I’m wrangling fucking cattle?!?! I am not playing Fistful of Dollars, I am playing Little House on the Prairie.

After a brief romp in the awful multi-player experience I decided my time was better spent with games that don’t infuriate me. Did I get to any of the good stuff that everyone else loved? No. I might return to the game one day to try and complete it, but for now my rage still burns bright.

DEXTER: SEASON 5

Once again, this disappointment only graces my “worst” list because last season was so effing good and this one just didn’t live up to it. Lithgow as season 4’s villain set a high fucking bar that season 5’s antagonist didn’t come close to hitting. The internal dramas with Dexter’s support cast are getting boring and repetitive. Peter Weller was a welcome addition, but his character didn’t have enough screen time. John Lithgow was such a welcome boost to the last season (not to mention he killed off the most annoying character on the show, whom they replaced with an equally annoying character this season) that they are going to need a similar shot in the arm for season 6 to keep my interest. Might I suggest Crispin Glover?

ORIGINALLY POSTED 1 JANUARY 2011

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About Jon

Videogames / D&D / horror movies / metal / marine biology / sci-fi novels and film / comics. My sin of choice is sloth.