Top 10 reasons why the zombie apocalypse wouldn’t be as cool as most people suggest

Most people who are avid fans of the zombie genre ( Like myself), seem to pine for the day when most of us cease to be, when roving gangs of the living dead walk the earth.  This is all just fantasy of course, but if for example such a thing as z-day ( zombie day) actually took place as it does in the movies, just how ‘cool’ would it actually be to live in such a world?  After much thought on the subject,  I have to wonder, would anyone truly be able to thrive under these  conditions…comfortably? Anyway here it goes…enjoy.

1. Relatives – If a zombie outbreak did actually occur,  chances are you’d have to kill your own loved ones, including your pets by violently blowing their heads off where the brain would be destroyed.  Those who aren’t strong enough to overcome this possibility will most likely be torn to shreds by grandma and grandpa.

2. Food supplies – You’d have to grow all your own food just in case of uncertainty…who knows, the contamination just might have originated from a food source, seeing as how news reporters won’t have the chance to stop and ask a random zombie how they became a zombie to begin with.   Most of us are too lazy to get up off the couch away from the T.V.  and even more of us lack a green thumb. So any outside sources of food, should considered unclean at best.

3. Meat – Canned meat and game meats will definitely have to be thrown out on z-day.  Think about it, if the flesh of the dead came back to life,  wouldn’t you think twice about ingesting that can of potted meat that’s been in your kitchen cabinet since 1983?

4. Fresh water– Fresh water is also going to be hell find, given the possibility that water itself could be the source of the contamination. Most likely you’ll have to consume rainwater to survive, which…could also be contaminated…you know, like in return of the living dead?  There would be a few safe alternatives to this, abandoned water-coolers, drinking fountains ( one containing it’s own water source.) and of course bottled water, but as stated, drinking any water at all carries with it a heavy risk.

5.The Government– Dealing with these assholes are a strong possibility in the zombie apocalypse, whether they’re there to re-establish order, or just kill everyone, chances are, they will shoot you even if they know your fully human.  In fact, they may very well be the cause of this zombification.  Usually, they won’t even bother shooting you, they’ll just nuke everything instead.

6. Tobacco products – If your a smoker, then chances are so are many of the other survivors out there, and with stores looted and ransacked for cigarettes, you can expect some heavy resistance in the upcoming tobacco wars that follow when supplies run desperately low. Lotta people with a lot of time on their hands will need cigarettes, many of them will become new smokers, due to living in the now stressful environment and seeing their families torn apart by the ghoulish legions. Does any of this sound like fun yet?

7. Electricity – Unless you live close to the Hoover dam or some other alternative form of power, chances are your power isn’t going to last forever.  You can run a generator of course, but that requires gas and constant refilling ,which means you’ll have to chance it outside and refill whenever you want to make a pop-tart.  I know what your thinking, ” couldn’t I just keep the generator indoors?’  The answer is no,not unless you want to kill everyone in the dwelling with deadly carbon monoxide fumes ( happened in my city not long ago.)  Now there is solar paneling, but at the moment,  it’s not the most efficient way of powering up your home, not to mention the technical work involved ( if you wanna get cheap you can buy a used panel and manually attach the cells yourself, unless you wanna pay several grand for one working panel.) and of course putting them up on your roof before z-day hits. Otherwise, it’s candlelight dinners every night for the rest of your natural life…or unnatural life at this point. Your only friend at this point may be a battery operated radio of some kind or cell phone….till the batteries run out.

8. Ammunition – Own your own army surplus store?  Then your in luck! And if you don’t…your screwed!   With the masses of rotting corpses beating at your door day and night, your gonna have to plug more than a few of them… A few hundred thousand actually.  Even survival experts in this situation would have a hard time figuring out how to keep them at bay. Your probably thinking you can just whack them in the head and that’s all, but even Jose Conseco couldn’t keep up the momentum, and don’t even consider burning them all, the fumes could carry some sort of zombificating chemical ( also seen in Return of the living dead).  Not only that, but your anti-zombie fortress could burn to the ground with you in it.  Unfortunately, your only hope lies in finding more ammo, and if your home is surrounded before you can stock up properly….. well then, bon appetit ghoulish hordes.

9. Pets– With food supplies running short, your gonna have to make a hard decision,have an extra mouth to feed, or explain to the kids why Fido had to go…. and why he tasted like chicken. Of course that’s if rule number #3 is ruled out, then again you may have to shoot him a second time, if you catch my drift.

10. Keeping the sanity– Humans are creatures of comfort, and when we can’t have that level of comfort that we’re used to, then it sucks to be us, why do you think prisons aren’t called playtime fun-land? ( and that’s without even mentioning the other things prisons are known for aside from a lack of stimulation.) If we we’re to take something we’re used to having in our daily lives and have it taken away from us without reason, it tends to piss most people off and generally create a level of hostility. Now as people, we can adapt to most of this, much like coked up lab rats who get skipped on their daily fix every once in a while.  But to give up every single facet of our comfort zones could be completely mind-wrenching to the average person.  Imagine giving up things like toilet paper, and air-conditioning, fast-food, computers and television, all in one fell swoop, then add an element of constant mortal danger to the equation.  If you add that with all of the things listed above, then you instantly reduce your living habits back to the stone age, where even a tame housewife would be considered savage and even cannibalistic in these conditions….much like Diana Ross on steroids and red-bull.

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About Warduke

I'm a writer, an unschooled artist and I enjoy blogging from time to time. I enjoy cheesy horror films,otherwise known as 'shlock'. My biggest habits however, are playing video games into the wee hours of the morning, after which....I soon discover I've grown a full beard and my house needs cleaning ;) My other hobbies are writing,designing RPG miniatures, and of course my own worlds.